Smooth Operator
by Vynot7
Summary: Callen and Deeks compete to see who is the top "ladies man." Kensi and Sam act as judges, but Kensi can't seem to remain impartial.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, just playing**

"So you are saying that you're better at undercover than I am?" Callen smirked.

Kensi reminded herself to say a little prayer tonight that she hadn't missed this conversation between her currently back-peddling partner and their team leader.

"Not all undercover stuff, I mean anything involving foreign languages and stony unreadable expressions, you are definitely the go-to guy. No question about that. I'm referring to special situations that may come up, involving, say the fairer sex." Deeks began as a way to clarify his previous statement.

"He's tired of playing homeless people." Kensi chimed in helpfully.

"True." Deeks nodded at his partner, "But I feel like certain situations require someone of my qualifications."

Kensi raised an eyebrow. "Qualifications? What qualifications would those be?"

"So glad you asked, I'm tall, easy on the eyes, I have a law degree and I'm well, younger." Deeks ticked each point off on his fingers.

"What's going on." Sam turned the corner and leaned against Kensi's desk."

"Well, Deeks just called Callen old and short." Kensi summed up as Deeks eyes widened. "Oh and he thinks he is more of a 'smooth operator' undercover."

"Is that right? You losing your touch with the ladies G?" Sam snorted.

"You know Sam, I'm not getting any younger, I might just be losing my edge." Callen sighed.

"No, I think you still got it, in fact I'd be willing to bet on it."

"Oh, what kind of bet." Kensi chimed in.

"It's not push-ups again is it? If it's push-ups I need like a week or so to prepare, center my Chi, change my diet." Deeks mumbled more to himself.

"I would say a gentleman's bet, but we're dealing with Deeks and G, so just a bet."

"Hey." Callen protested.

Sam held up his hands, "It's Friday and Hetty's already left for her hunting trip. I say we get dressed up and hit a club, whoever ends up with the most numbers at the end of the night wins. Kensi and I will decide the winner and make sure there's no cheating."

"I'm in, Hetty picked up a new dress I've been wanting to wear." Kensi slid off her desk heading toward the wardrobe racks.

Callen stroked his chin, "I like it, but what do I win?"

"Seriously," Deeks protested. "No, no I get it, I'm still the new guy, it's only been 3 years, what possible skills could I have that would be better than the amazing G. Callen."

"Loser writes after action reports for the winner for 4 cases. And no whining about the judges decisions, either of you." Sam ignored Deeks. "Let's go gentleman, I would join you, just to show you what real swagger looks like, but I don't want to completely ruin your confidence. Losing to G is one thing, losing to me, well some people just don't recover."

**Thanks for reading, for those familiar with my other stories updates coming soon. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Still don't own an of the characters... sigh.**

"This is depressing," Kensi motioned to the glasses in front of her and Sam. They were both filled with matchbooks, each containing a phone number per the rules that Sam had laid out as they got to the club. So far both men were pretty evenly matched.

"I don't know what this says about my gender, but it can't be good." Kensi groaned as Deeks trotted up to them with a grin, placing another number in his glass.

"She was cute, mark that one with a star for me will you, I think I'll keep her after this is over." Deeks winked and breezed off in search of his next target.

Kensi pretended to gag as she grabbed the book of matches. "Sindee, with a heart and 'call me' by her number." Kensi struck a match and lit the offending number. "Get a life and learn how to spell."

"That's the third time you've done that, is G paying you to help him?" Sam eyed Kensi's growing pile of charred paper.

"She's better off."

"Okay then, but no more bonfires, cheating is against the rules." Sam shooed her away, she had been grumpy since they'd gotten to the club and he didn't feel like babysitting on his night out. "I'm good here, why don't you pick up some numbers of your own."

Kensi slid off the bar stool, "fine, but what happens if I win?" She threw back at Sam over her shoulder.

"You don't get to play, it wouldn't be fair to my boys." Sam shot back.

Kensi smirked and made her way around the room, stopping a couple of times to feign interest in someone willing to buy her a drink. She caught sight of Deeks talking to two girls and decided to have some fun.

"There you are!" Kensi draped an arm over her partners shoulder.

Deeks shrugged her off before turning to introduce her. "Uh, hi there, ladies this is my sis..."

"Wife." Kensi spoke up hurridly.

"Ex-wife." Deeks quickly added.

"Not until the papers are filed sweetheart, until then you're all mine." Kensi leaned in closer to the women watching them. "He loses a hundred pounds, gets hair plugs and suddenly he can't seem to remember to put his wedding ring on. We've been together since high school, I guess the magic is gone, but I just can't give up on him yet, for the kids. We have five." Kensi turned back to Deeks as she started to walk away. "Get your wife a drink."

"Wow," he shook his head, "she has a drinking problem." Deeks turned back to the women after watching his "wife" walk away. "She looks good for five kids though." He laughed uncomfortably. "I'm going to just..." Deeks gestured after Kensi, both women looked at him with disgust as he walked away.

"Are you kidding me right now?" He caught up with Kensi in a dark corner, pinning her in so she had to talk to him.

"Did you see their faces, that was amazing." Kensi chuckled. "What? I was just having some fun."

"I was about to get two numbers, which would have helped make up for the ones you've been burning at the bar." Deeks continued, "you didn't think that I would notice? I don't know what your problem is tonight, but you're my partner, you are supposed to be helping me, or at least not sabotaging me."

"It's just a stupid bet. I'll help you write the reports." Kensi mumbled.

"It's not about the reports, and it's not about the bet...okay it's a little about the bet, but mostly it's about the fact that I'm good at my job Kensi, I'm really good at it, and if I can't prove that to Sam and Callen I'm going to spend the rest of our undercover ops sitting in dumpsters or acting like an idiot. It's been three years and it's getting old."

Kensi swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, I just don't like watching this it's dishonest, weird."

"This is what we do every day, though usually someone's life is at stake."

"I know, and I know it's a bet and supposed to be fun, but Callen's my friend and your mine." Kensi spit out hurriedly.

"Yours?" Deeks raised his eyebrows.

"Mine... my partner."Kensi tried to cover.

Deeks looked at her for a moment he cocked his head to the side as like he was deciding on something.

"I, um." Kensi started again, but it was as far as she got. Her partner leaned in, pinning her to the wall with his body and sliding his hand behind her head. His lips pressed against hers softly at first, then more insistently until Kensi parted hers. His tongue swept in and he extended the kiss until the hand on his chest curled up to grab his face and Kensi leaned forward. She gave a little moan as he pulled away.

Deeks tilted his head to look into her eyes, trying hard not to focus on her lips. "If you want more Kens, take it." He paused for a breath, "if not, back off and let me win this." They stared at each other for a minute, before Deeks gave a curt nod and turned to head back into the club.


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is one of the reasons why I gave the story an M rating, just a warning for those who would rather not read. Thanks. **

Callen walked over to his partner, and for tonight his wingman. "Where's your other judge? I thought I saw her with Deeks."

"She left 20 minutes ago, she said he caught her burning numbers and yelled at her or something. She got pissed and left."

"Yelled huh, so that's what the kids are calling it these days."

"What?" Sam yawned, it was getting late and he was only half paying attention.

Callen took a seat at the bar, spilling out a handful of matchbooks. "I am getting old Sam, though I'll deny I ever said that if you repeat it. Can we just declare me a winner and go home?"

Sam smiled, "actually the kid is holding his own, you guys are pretty close, of course we won't have an official winner until Eric verifies that all the numbers are real."

"I'm hurt, you don't trust me not to make up numbers?" Callen put his hand on his chest in mock pain.

"You are getting old G, you don't think that maybe one of those girls gave you a wrong number just to get rid of the 'creepy' old guy?"

"At least you didn't call me short." Callen shrugged.

Sam nudged Callen as Deeks approached them, flanked on each arm by two very attractive blondes.

"Callen, I think that I'm going to have to let you win this round, these two ladies are in desperate need of my...consulting services. So I'm going to need to leave the premises."

"Automatic forfeit if you leave the field before time is called. Looks like the old guy still has it." Sam patted Callen on the back.

"Night gentleman." Deeks nodded as he was led away.

"I don't know Sam," Callen watched Deeks walk out of the club. "I kinda feel like this is at least a tie."

Deeks headed for the front of the club until one of the women shook her head leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Kinky, I didn't know this club had a back exit. You girls are dirty." Deeks joked as the women steered him out the back way. "Either that or I'm about to be mugged, am I about to be mugged?"

Blondie as he had been referring to her in his head, shook her head and smiled as she walked over, wrapped her arms around her friend and began to kiss her.

"Okay, this is happening," Deeks muttered under his breath. "Dark alley, two beautiful women making out with each other, have you been reading my diary, listening in on my dreams?" He threw out.

"No, but I have and you talk in your sleep." Kensi's voice came from his left. He turned to see his partner leaning against his car. Which last time he had seen it had been parked in front of the club.

"Thanks ladies." Kensi nodded at the two who had broken apart.

"No problem, hope he's worth it." The other blond replied as they walked away arm in arm.

Deeks watched them go for a moment before he turned back to Kensi. "Did you steal my car?"

"It's not like it was hard."

"Okay then. Remind me to get an alarm."

Kensi shrugged "Or just get a better car."

Deeks decided to let that slide. "What are we doing out here?"

Kensi pushed off of the car and into better light, flicking her wrist she opened the pocket knife Deeks knew she always carried, he also knew just how sharp she kept it. "Just following orders." Kensi stopped a few feet in front of her partner.

Deeks shifted, placing his hands over his crotch protectively. He swallowed hard. "Yeah, I didn't mean 'take it' literally, you know that right?"

Kensi smirked in reply, never taking her eyes off her partner's face she slid the knife under her dress slowly before making a quick twisting motion.

"You know if you cut that dress Hetty will kill you. And this is, this is..." Deeks started to say but Kensi's other hand was moving, throwing something he caught instinctively.

"This is your underwear. Seriously, are you drunk? Is this a joke?"

"I thought we agreed that I'm not the funny one." Kensi closed the knife as quickly as she had opened it. Tucking it back in it's place between her breasts.

"I always wondered where you kept that, that is both hot and terrifying by the way, way more hot than terrifying, but I mean, what are we doing here Kens?"

Kensi just continued to stare, she was partly afraid that if she spoke she would change her mind about the whole thing.

"You must be drunk, I'm dreaming, there is a rational explantation for all of this." Deeks paused to collect his thoughts before continuing, "Kensi I'm your partner and your friend and if we do this you can't pretend that I don't exist, you can't dodge my calls and you can't ignore us, so I understand."

Kensi raised an eyebrow. Deeks continued as his partner stepped closer to him. "I'll just close my eyes, count to ten or something and you can go back inside. Sam or Callen will take you home and this never happened. I'll see you tomorrow and we'll be us."

"Or?" She was close enough now that he should have been able to smell any alcohol on her breath.

"Or what Kens?"

She simply repeated the question. "Or?"

Deeks blew out the breath he had been holding. "I'm holding on by a thread here." He muttered in a hushed tone, staring at the lace in his hand.

"Or?" She persisted.

Deeks looked into her eyes. They had been dancing around this for a while, his lips crooked into a half-smile. "Or I take you to bed and we don't leave until neither of us can stand up straight, and then we do it all again."

Kensi inhaled quickly and he worried he had pushed too far. Deeks tried one last time to give his partner an out. He closed his eyes and started to count, expecting her to brush by him on her way back to the club.

"10" Her voice was hushed and breathy.

"What?" He opened his eyes.

"10," she repeated, "you talk too much and count slow."

He stared at her for a minute before leaning in, brushing her hair away and whispering "get in the damn car."

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**This continues the M rating: you have been warned : ) **

"Where..."Kensi tried for the third time to ask her partner a question.

"Shhh." Just like the last two times he shut her down.

Kensi opened her mouth, then closed it, nodding slightly to herself.

"No talking okay?" Deeks turned to face her. "I'm not completely convinced that this isn't a dream and I'll wake up any minute now to Monty snoring in my face." Deeks was gripping the wheel tightly, Kensi's lace gift from earlier still clutched in his grip.

Kensi smiled and nodded.

"Good, good, this is good." It was more of a reassurance to himself.

Kensi squirmed around in her seat until she managed to get a foot onto the dash, she waited until she had her partners full attention before slowly tracing a line from her ankle to just above where her dress ended with her finger. Deeks managed to notice the red light in time, but just barely.

"That is better than good, just not now Kens. If we crash and I die before you make good on whatever that just promised I will come back as a ghost to haunt you, one seriously horny pissed-off ghost." Deeks pointed at her finger which was making lazy circles at the top of her thigh.

"Though as a ghost I could watch you in the shower." He started thinking of all the other things he could watch her do, but was brought back to reality by the honking horn of the car behind him. "We've got to get home."

Deeks stared straight ahead for the rest of the drive to his apartment. Kensi was amused when he opened her door for her, but practically skipped out of the way to avoid touching her as she got out of the car.

"If I touch you now we're having sex in the parking lot, and even I'm not into that. At least not in this neighborhood." He responded to her raised eyebrow.

It took a lot longer than it should have to open the door, mostly because the key just couldn't seem to find it's way into the lock. When he finally got the door open Deeks called out "Monty crate." It took a few tries, but Monty finally got up from his place on the couch and made his way into the apartment.

"I think you hurt his feelings." Kensi leaned against the door watching her partner.

"Nah, it's like putting a sock on the door for us. Plus his nose is cold and he has a habit of trying to butt in at all the wrong times." Deeks gave her a crooked smile, and a lingering look.

Kensi crooked her finger beckoning her partner over. He obliged leaning an arm against the door next to her head.

"Do you still think this is a dream?" her tone was hushed.

"I really, really hope it's not." He watched her trail a finger down his chest, she paused briefly at his belt. "Let me help you with that, belts can be tricky." Deeks finished as his partner tugged and then lifted his belt to eye level before tossing it somewhere in the apartment.

"Impressed?" Kensi smiled.

"Not bad, extra points for only using one hand."

"What do I get if I only use my teeth." Deeks gulped, speechless at the image that his partner's suggestion brought to mind.

"Yeah, I'm going to remember that image, forever." Deeks breath caught as his partner slid her hand inside his pants, her fingers grasped him and pumped twice before she raised her eyes.

"Is that real enough for you?"

"We are so not going to make it to the bed this time." He grabbed her hand and brought it back up to his chest. "I already had to forfeit one game early tonight. I plan on making it all nine innings this time."

"Nine seems a little ambitious, are you sure you'll make it?" Kensi teased.

"As long as we don't forget the seventh inning stretch." Deeks spoke against her lips, before he kissed her, pushing her back against the door, one hand pulled her hips against him briefly before slipping under her dress. Searching for what his first serious girlfriend had referred to as her "man in the boat" the phrase had stuck with him and now fishing was always strangely arousing.

Kensi's sharp intake of breath against his lips let him know that he had found what he was looking for. He played with her, breaking from her lips to kiss her neck and back again. He smiled as she thrust her hips forward against the finger he pushed inside her to make sure she was ready.

"Want something?" Deeks whispered against her ear

"Yes."

"What's the magic word?" Her partner wasn't above a little teasing, even now.

"Please, yes." Kensi muttered as she bit down gently on his lip.

"That'll work." He worked his pants down far enough to free himself, sliding his hands underneath her to lift her up, his partner helped by wrapping her legs around him. Kensi's sigh quickly turned into a moan as he began to move inside her. The second moan tested what little control he had left. The third pushed him over the edge. A minute later they both sagged against the door as Kensi's legs dropped down. A bit unsteady she sat down leaning against the door and looked up at her partner. A lazy smile on her face.

"That's it, this door is coming with me when I move." Deeks chuckled and patted the door for effect before he pushed away and headed to the kitchen, pulling his pants back on as he went.

Kensi heard the fridge open and close and her partner emerged a minute later drinking an energy drink and holding a sports drink, which he tossed in her direction. "Drink up, you're going to need to stay hydrated."

Kensi took a sip as she sent him a questioning look. Deeks finished his drink before answering. "I plan on having sex on as many surfaces as we can before we pass out." He smiled as Kensi choked on her drink. "That way when in typical Kensi fashion you try to deny this ever happened, I'll have fond memories every time I look at the door, the table, the couch, the counter. I should really make a list."

"You do that and I'm leaving, and taking the door with me." Kensi stood up and sauntered over to where he was standing. "You ready for round two? Slugger."

Deeks gulped hard and nodded.

**Thanks for reading. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Standard disclaimer: Not mine... just having a bit of fun. **

"So how are we going to do this?" Kensi broached the question while nestled in the crook of her partners arm, lying back against his chest.

"We just did it like four times and you still need instructions?" Deeks shifted higher to look at her face. "Well Kensi, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much," he started before she punched him. "Ow, you're the one who asked."

"I didn't mean that," Kensi motioned to toward their lower halves, " I meant this." She pointed to first to herself and then to Deeks.

"This is different than that?" Deeks repeated her motions in reverse. "It's 4 in the morning Kensi, I have trouble following you fully rested, you're going to have to give me a clue here."

Kensi sighed. "I meant how are we going to handle this at work?"

"You want to do this at work?" Deeks smirked, "Kinda kinky, but I'm in... Ow, hey, no grabbing below the belt, that's un-sportsman-like contact."

"Then be serious for a minute, this is important."

"Sorry," Deeks straightened slightly, trying for composure. "It's hard to be serious when the only thing I'm wearing is a naked woman and a sheet."

"Do you want me to get dressed?" Kensi was getting frustrated.

Deeks shook his head. "No because then I'll just be thinking of what you look like without the dress."

Kensi rolled her eyes, "that's what I mean. If we worked someplace else it wouldn't be a big deal, but if we're suddenly different they're going to notice. We're trained to notice things like that."

"Afraid you can't keep your hands off me for a couple of hours?"

"Well it's not like I'm going to straddle you and start grinding, but yes, I'm not on guard in the bullpen, and I don't want to be. I'm worried I might touch you, lean against you, or say something without thinking." Kensi noticed her partners eyes were glazed over. "Hello, earth to Deeks." She waved a hand in front of his face.

He shook his head, "you lost me after 'straddle and grind', sorry." He gave her a sheepish smile.

"Really Deeks?"

"Really, Kensi, I sit next to Sam 'I can pop your head off your neck using only my forearms' Hanna, and now I can never look at my chair the same way again. I hope you say something nice at my funeral." Deeks kept going, mumbling more to himself: "Maybe I could work from the couches, except those couches would be fun too, the floor!" He turned to her, "do you think they would notice if I sat on the floor for the rest of, well ever?"

Kensi just shook her head. "This is never going to work."

Deeks shook his head, "don't worry about it, I have an idea, more of a plan really, and it's just stupid enough that it might work."

"Well? You going to tell me about it?" Kensi asked when her partner just sat staring at her.

"No," Deeks replied, pulling her down and rolling her on top of him, "I think I want to explore that whole straddle and grind suggestion first."

"But we really need to figure this out." Kensi protested half-heartedly as she let her partner pull her towards him.

"I told you, I've got a plan." Deeks spoke against her lips before kissing her.

**As always, thanks for reading, and thank you for the reviews! You guys are awesome to take the time and give me feedback. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the delay, after writing two chapters for this the logic board failed and I lost it all :( I rewrote the first chapter and am posting before anything else happens. Hope you like it. **

"And Kensi is really okay with this." Callen leaned back in his chair, the expression on his face was incredulous.

"Well, see the thing is..." Deeks started.

"You haven't told her have you?" Sam turned toward his partner. "G, he hasn't told her."

"Hasn't told who, what?" Kensi asked with a smile, tossing her bag on the desk.

"Shaggy has some explaining to do." Sam motioned at Deeks before leaning back in his chair.

Deeks shrugged, stood up, looked at his partners expectant face and sat back down again. "Well I was uh thinking uh."

"Obviously not something he does very often, give him a minute Kensi, this might be causing him actual pain." Callen chimed in.

"You know Callen, I just," Deeks paused before looking back with a grin. "Team leader, leader of the team, you should uh lead and explain to Kensi who is part of the team, because you know you uh, you lead us, the team." Deeks alternated pointing at Kensi and Callen as he was speaking.

"Really? Leader of the team that leads? Did you and Monty swap brains this weekend?" Kensi threw out sarcastically.

"You know exactly what I did this weekend." Deeks muttered, but finished quickly when he saw Kensi's eyes go wide, "because I texted you those pictures."

Kensi gave an exaggerated nod, "right, pictures which I deleted immediately."

"Did this just get weird?" Callen motioned to Sam, "I feel like this just got weird."

Sam pointed at Deeks, "this has been weird since day one." He turned and considered Kensi for a minute. "You weren't weird until recently, must be rubbing off on her Deeks."

"Well you know what they say about partnerships, they're a lot like marriages." Callen emphasized the last weird and watched Deeks wince. "You start to pick up each other's bad habits."

Kensi snorted, "great does that mean I have to stop combing my hair and start making inappropriate comments about...everything?"

"Seriously Kensi, because I don't think this body," Deeks motioned to himself, "can handle your comfort food binges."  
Sam smirked, and turned to Deeks. "I don't think you need to practice, you sound married to me."

"What are we practicing?" Kensi turned quickly to Deeks.

"Apparently your partner thinks you need to practice being married, in the office, in front of all of us, for 'undercover' purposes." Callen interjected.

"That is your big plan." Kensi blurted out before she could stop herself.

"I was going over old cases and I realized that we probably would have done a better job in the Russian sleeper case if we were more comfortable being married. That's all, aren't you the one who always talks about improving our trade-craft?" Deeks pitched his voice low and spoke slower than usual, mostly in an attempt to avoid having a stapler thrown at his head.

"I meant taking classes, going to training, the things that normal people do to improve at something. Why does it have to be in the office?"

Deeks shrugged, "I prefer hands on learning, I'm very tactile that way."He raised his eyebrow suggestively. "As for the office, if we're going to practice, we need someone who knows what their doing to critique, and my desk mate Sam here is the only one of us with any marriage experience."

Callen started to interrupt, but Deeks cut him off, "A fake CIA marriage to an aspiring bond villain doesn't count." He turned towards Kensi, " Or is it villainess? Like the whole actor/actress thing?"

Kensi threw her hands up in defeat and slumped into her chair.

"Mr Deeks has a point." The entire team turned at the sound of Hetty's voice.

"He does? Deeks squeaked out and then coughed, "I mean, I do, of course I do."

"It has been brought to my attention that should we need you to go undercover as husband and wife in a long term situation it would be easier on Ms. Jones and Mr. Beale if there was sufficient photographic evidence."

Kensi and Deeks shared a pained look and Kensi slightly raised her hand, started to say something and thought better of it.

"She has a point." Callen rubbed his chin.

"You too?" Kensi muttered under her breath.

Callen ignored her. "A couple of days of photography saves Eric and Nell a lot of work in an investigation where time matters. Why do you think I had a fake wedding?"

"That is an excellent idea Mr. Callen, in fact there are a few favors that I have always wanted to call in. Your dresses should be here for a final fitting in two days or so Ms. Blye." Hetty nodded, and turned to head up the stairs into ops.

"Umm Hetty?" Kensi called after her. "What dresses?"

"Your wedding dresses, three should do it, I have your measurements on file we don't need you until they get here. Until then you and your team can work on the rest of the list that Mr. Beale has requested."

Kensi walked forward, her voice wavered slightly. "I don't get to pick my own wedding dress and Hetty, what list?"

"Certainly you may pick your own dress Ms. Blye, when it is your wedding, however for our purposes these are my weddings." Hetty paused as Kensi gulped hard, and nodded. "Mr. Beale has put together a list of photographs he would like taken, as you currently have no active cases and Mr. Callen has quite the eye behind a lens, I would call this a serendipitous moment."

"Thank you Hetty, I've always felt my surveillance photos had a certain flair." Callen executed a short bow.

Kensi closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "I'm going to regret this, but why three?"

"I find it prudent to plan for all possibilities, three weddings in different styles should suffice for almost any situation you and your partner might find yourselves in." Hetty checked her watch, "Now if you would follow me, I will find you an outfit appropriate for todays outings, and then I have some phone calls to make." Hetty beckoned for Kensi to follow her.

Kensi looked back at the bull pen, Deeks looked stunned, Callen just smiled, and Sam made a shooing motion with his hands. Kensi dropped her shoulders and meekly followed after Hetty.

"This was not the plan." Deeks mumbled.

Callen stood up, and headed for the camera equipment, he stopped to pat Deeks on the shoulder. "It never is when Hetty gets involved."

"I heard that Mr. Callen." Hetty's voice rang out.

Callen smirked, "Oh I know."

**Thanks for reading! **


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